Enough already!

Every time I start to relax, I'm reminded that I have too many things to do.

My father has been pressuring me about my health studies, asking me why am I doing it so slow, and yet at the same time acknowledging that I'm doing it part-time...

He really confuses me sometimes...

I told him I have a *lot* of things to do, not just study. I'm working with Lone to build up our business, and I'm working constantly on several side businesses as well, not to mention working on making my dreams come true (which involve a lot of foundation work that doesn't show immediate results).

Not to mention a lot of personal stuff that I need to get done as well... My library still needs to be organized, I get sent on household errands a lot (just because I work at home! Arrghh!), and Lone and I are just only starting to organize for our big day next year.

Oh, yes, we're getting married, by the way. =)

Anyway, more on that later, nothing much to say about it now, since we're only just planning about the planning.

So yeah, apparently I'm too slow in my *part-time* studies, and I need to prioritize. Um...I *do* prioritize.

I love studying health and I'm really into my course, but building up our business is much more important now, since we need to earn more money for our wedding and our future, which of course, means that building up my other side businesses is also more important.

That doesn't mean that I'm not studying!

It will kill me if I have to do this, but I may have to put aside my dreams! (because I have nobody to answer to except myself when it comes to my own personal dreams, but they *should* be at the highest priority, shouldn't they?) so that I can spend more time with our businesses and with my studies.

I'm not slow! I'm just not fast. =P

And I'm unwilling to give anything up! I want it all!

Yes, I want to have my cake and eat it too, and I want to be able to do all the things I want to do, because they are all important to me!

I just need everyone to stop with the pressure! I'm doing the best I can!

I love studying, and if I wasn't doing my course now, I will eventually take it up again in the future. But we've already paid, and I'm committed to it, and I'm enjoying it! I just need to be able to go my own pace!

Because truth be told, out of everything I'm doing now, studying is the least important. And if I really *have* to give up something, I would prefer that studying be it.

But it is still important, and I am still committed, and I want to do it! But I want to do it MY WAY! Even my college isn't pressuring me about my pace! It's a self-paced course and I have 5 years to finish it, and they recognize that we're doing it part-time.

I try to allow myself to relax, because I'm so busy and feel so guilty if I'm not doing something productive 24 hours a day that sometimes I'm afraid I may go crazy.

And I hate it that my work goes unrecognized by everyone except Lone, just because I work *mostly* at home.

WORKING AT HOME MEANS I *WORK* AT HOME, IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I SIT IN FRONT OF THE TV WITH NOTHING TO DO EXCEPT WAIT FOR YOU TO GIVE ME SOME CHORE!

*HIGH-PITCHED FRUSTRATED SCREAM!*

I need a holiday...=(

Learning new words

Last week my dad gave me a book for learning Chinese. It's about the history and meaning of Chinese characters, and it's really interesting. It's a great way to learn Chinese too, because you learn by associating the words and the meanings.

For example, I learned that 田 (tian) means field, because it looked like paddy fields. And (si) (I can't find the Chinese symbol for it on my Chinese program) means silk. And 累 (lei) which means tired, is a combination of these two symbols because in the olden days, the men mostly worked in the fields and the women mostly worked with silk. So putting the two symbols together meant 'everybody's work' which makes them 'tired'.

The Chinese fonts are ridiculously small, so I'll enlarge them to get a better look:

 

累 = 田 + (si)

There! Much better. The top part is field, and the bottom, which I don't have on my program, I don't know why, is silk. =)

There are a lot more other interesting characters, but I've only just started studying the book, so I've barely scratched the surface.

But this is so fun... I love stories! And what better way for me to learn Chinese than with stories! =)

The Pros and Cons of Working at Home

Pros:	Cons:
You are in control of your own time and pace.	People think that they can call on you whenever they want, because you can always work later.
You can work in your pjs, or even naked if you really want to.	You start to not care about how you look, coz no one is there to look at you.
You can take as many breaks as you like, as long as you like.	You sometimes end up going the whole day without doing anything productive.
You don't have to deal with difficult colleagues, bosses, classmates, etc.	You don't get to meet a lot of great people either.
You don't have to deal with the traffic jams, and you save a lot on petrol.	Hmm...no con here, this is all good.
You don't get interrupted in the middle of some important project by colleagues asking you to go for a drink.	It gets really lonely sometimes.
You get a lot of quality work done and sometimes you can finish two days' work in one day.	You don't know when to quit and go on a much needed break.

Well, there's pros and cons in everything. Right now, working at home suits me, and I really enjoy my independence. It's just sometimes when the cons rear their ugly heads that I feel just a little down.

I just need to get myself some social activities and I'll be fine. I'm just trying to think what those activities should be.

I'm hesitating a little also because I have so many activities already, at home, and if I add some social activity, it may take up too much of my time that I'm not willing to give. This is what I mean about not knowing when to take a break. I'm really pushing myself to achieve as much as I can in as little time as I can when it comes to my work.

Head knows I should take a break. Heart thinks I already take too many breaks. =P

For Books I Will

It's a testament of how much books mean to me when I remember any little detail I ever learnt that has to do with books.

Lone was testing my Chinese knowledge a few days ago, asking me about the 'penjodoh bilangan', you know, like, a loaf of bread, a pack of wolves, and etc.

So he asked me, what 'penjodoh bilangan' do you use for a person?

一 (blank) 人?

I said I didn't know. He asked me to guess. I couldn't, coz it wasn't something I studied recently, he asked just to see how much I knew.

He ended up telling me, 一个人, yi ge ren.

What about for fish? 一 (blank) 鱼?

I didn't know. He answered, 一条鱼， yi tiao yu.

So far so good, I'm learning new words.

Then he asked. What about books?

And I surprised both of us by jumping up and saying, "I know, I know!!"

"一本书！！" yi ben shu!

I replied so fast that I startled the both of us, and he laughed at me because he found it hilarious that I knew the answer to this particular one.

What does that say about me? That I don't remember the 'penjodoh bilangan' for everything else, but I remember the one for books!

In fact, the main reason I'm even trying to learn Chinese now, after all these years, is just so I can read Chinese history books in their original language! I didn't want to read the English translations of Chinese history because too many things get lost in translation, and there are many imbedded meanings in the Chinese language that can be stories in and of itself.

And god help me if I don't love stories.

The things I do for my books...